we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
