Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
