This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
