2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
