a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Randomize
