If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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