I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
