i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
