I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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