I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
