Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
