let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
