i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
