why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
