It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
