well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
