I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
