the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
