She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
