his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
