Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
