morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
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its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
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