And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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