Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
