last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
