When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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