What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
