I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
