I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
