You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
