In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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