You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Randomize
