Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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