Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Randomize
