I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize
