She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
