wrigley field is MILF paradise
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
