you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
