so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
