haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
