Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
