I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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