Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
