I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
