ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
