all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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