why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
