I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
