I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
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