I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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