i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
How's work?
Spinning.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
