May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
