How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Randomize
