i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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