I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
