I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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