I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
