She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
