Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
