Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
