I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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