Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
