she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
