I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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