my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Your cock deserves a montage
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
